premature ejaculation

yet again




Don't even remember what it was about. Surely I was a innocent virgin back then.
Update in Sep 2009

Back in Business

Survived the last 4 months with hardly any access to mail, messenger, blogs or orkut. Not like I wasn't in touch with people - but pretty remarkable achievement nonetheless.

Tokyo so far has been as uneventful as ever. A pay rise, job security, a short trip to India and a few new friends - pretty much what happened in these 4 months. Increased salary would mean budget for a new camera for sure - maybe will have more to post then.

Changing Seasons

Moving to Tokyo wasn't a difficult decision to make. The biggest hurdle, as I thought back then, was high probability of being one of the very few Indians, specially an IITian, over here. As it turns out the place is in fact flooded with Indians, specially IITians. Indeed it's comical that since the day I stepped in this country I've been avoiding these people - the very people I was scared will be non-existent and without who I couldn't possible conceive a happy time in Tokyo.

Last couple of weekends have been different, in fact nice. Been hanging out with a Chinese colleague and her Korean friend, met an English for the first time (it (he) was remarkable enough to be mentioned), was hit on (perhaps) by another cute Korean girl, and best of all tried delicious semi-vegetarian Korean and Japanese cuisine.

Sakura or the Cherry Blossom festival, which marks the transition from autumn to spring has in fact been more beautiful than I imagined - much much more than what nature had to offer.

Irony

I entered IIT with slightly sub-standard dreams. To only work on my language, communication skills, confidence, crack CAT, go to IIM-A and come out with job in UBS (or the like). I pretty much lost track of time before I knew it I was below-par at acads and everything else I aspired to achieved. Anyway, before long placements begun and it was truly depressing.

I was hopeful of at least carrying myself till the end of CapOne or UBS, but I was out before they even started interviewing people.

A stroke of luck and I landed in SocGen. Little did I know that it could be such an amazing place to work at - reputation, potential to learn et al. And when I look back at placement season now - I can't help looking at Kshitij. Thankfully he'll finally be leaving India, 6 months late and for a different country, Canada.

Recently, a school and an IIT senior or mine, Sharad Maloo, lost his life while surfing in Mexico. It was only a year back when he was everywhere in the news - how an IITian landed with a 100K USD job, about a bright future - that unfortunately isn't to be a future anymore. Destiny took him away - who could have even imagined.

If it weren't for Him I too wouldn't have been writing this blog. Should I thank Him? I really don't know - maybe I'll play safe and do thank Him. Thank you, O Lord. Please keep it that way... or maybe even better.

Barney-hood

There comes a time in every man's life when he has to move on - from one idol to another. The transition in devotion is really what makes it more exciting - unpredictable, constantly improving and in-sync with today's awesomeness. Look at blogging, pop to rock, rock to hip-hop, SP to Pop-Tates and yes, Bombay to Tokyo.

When I was a kid they used to say - don't change yourself. You are what you are. Today what I am trying to say is this - you are awesome, and you keep doing whatever keeps you awesome.

You must have surely guessed what I am getting to. Joey is out. For starters there isn't any suitable Monica or Chandler. And secondly... he's old, dumb, less funny and not suave enough.

Barney it is.

The crescendo was never ending. I kept waiting for it to die down, but it never did.

"Get used to it - honeymoon's over"

The most audible whisper I've ever heard. How can you believe it then? It could just be a fancy of my imagination. How could I ignore it too? Because if it's my imagination, does it mean I am going crazy?

"Tricky"

This time I thought.

"Give it a break. In the end it doesn't even matter"

I was thinking more now. Justifying to myself that whatever is happening is least important.

But Regret had fount its way. Like those bloody rodents, you do your best to keep them out - but they still get in.

Okay. I'll go for it.

It's been a pretty non-happening blog. I guess the rather non-happening life is to be blamed. People aren't as fun, or I am not as fun as them - it's one way or the other. The underlying point is that I am pretty bored already. I do hope that some my kind of a person comes here pretty soon - things should be more entertaining then.

Had a wonderful plan of getting drunk over the weekend. Guess that isn't happening - my mind is way too conditioned to break out of the taboo. So it's neither good nor bad. Only if I felt strongly enough about one side - I am tempted to get drunk but somehow I don't.

The weekend is here. 8 days to JSDA. It's scary, my confidence level has touched a record low. I am confident my colleagues are least impressed with me, I feel myself that I am hardly contributing on any level - not to forget the month lost due to JSDA. Cumulative effect of everything being that I hardly feel confident of taking JSDA this time round.

I am just not trying enough. Just not trying enough. It's frustrating.

Or maybe, I just want to come back. I don't belong here - not in trading, and not in Tokyo. My heart belongs elsewhere...

Oh, you sly little thing. :D

Dream's Over

Last 10 weeks were nothing short of a dream come true for me. Not the most ambitious of dreams but getting out of India in this fashion - couldn't have conjured it even in my dreams. Leaving Bombay, away from the city I love more than anything else - more than any girl, any boy or anything else. Tokyo was such a dream that I left Bombay for a while. And of course JSDA happened. The terrible JSDA series 2 exam on my birthday. Receiving a mail informing me that I have cleared the exam was as jubilating as getting through in JEE. But soon things became worse - the woman is doing her best to make life miserable for me (and I ain't taking more of that anymore) and thereafter I flunked in the Series 1.

So the honeymoon is over. I have been struck real hard by reality. Maybe I'll wake up now.

Everything has changed. I haven't listened to Maiden, Led Zep, Doors or Beatles in a very long time. I haven't chatted with people much either, just that chatting has been replaced by actual talking. I have worked more than I expected myself to (but of course less than I am expected). I hardly miss people anymore. Seclusion and privacy isn't troubling me - though I doubt whether it's doing me any good either. However I won't be judgmental for now.

I have been cooking food, cooking whatever I can instead of lazying and living without eating. I haven't flirted with anyone in a long time (does opportunity exist? I dunno). I haven't really given fundae to anyone seriously.

What hasn't changed? I am still a gossip-monger, grossly underweight and find it tough to study on time.

Remembering 2006 (last)

I am dragging all this Remembering stuff. It wasn't any more memorable than other years at IIT. I have pretty much documented post BoA stuff on LJ. Job took away most of my time. I moved out of IIT with Shashishekhar as my flat partner. I had a pretty nice time living by myself - close to IIT so never short of company (Ghaza, Karthik almost always there). Arvind Iyengar, guess these three months were most exciting because of the amazing time I spent with Arvind. However, the period became stressful due to other issues but anyway...

Luck fell in my lap once again as I got interviewed for SocGen Tokyo (thanks to Kos). And in a matter of few weeks I was with a new job, a really awesome job. I quit BoA with an impact followed by two months of boring vacation. This was the period when Vibhu Bhai got engagaed too (Nov 5).

Dec 12th I boarded my first international flight for Tokyo. It wasn't easy planning the exit from India. First came passport issues, then ECNR and a whole lot of crap. And yes on Sonu Bhaiya's insistence I went shopping - a suit work 20k, amazing leather shoes worth 7k and what not.

A short break in HK and on Dec 16, 2006 I landed at Narita Airport. It was phenomenal. A pinch or two were required to wake up, but I was awake.

And 2006 was the year when we lost another member of the family. Dadaji, you'll be missed. I owe a lot to you, more than I have acknowledged.

2006 - It's been some year. But two amazing things happened:

SocGen and Sonal. She's been a wonderful and adorable cousin so far. I hope it continues. Not far behind are Ghaza and Karthik.

Remembering 2006 (Part 2)

CAT 2005 was a disappointment (even 2006 was the same) as a result I had to get myself a job now. Getting a job proved to be the most frustrating thing I ever did. After unable to get myself shortlisted for majority of companies (including Bank of America) I eventually landed up with a job at Evalueserve (my failsafe option). There were quite a few lessons learnt from the placement season - 1. Resume - I think I should have put much more effort in preparing my CV. 2. - Pitch Work. I was not confident of myself and I hardly pitched myself in the correct manner. I was relying upon standard lies to be spoken in interviews.

PAFs happened. I have always kept myself as far away from PAFs as possible. This year's PAF was no different. The only reason I mention it is because of the extraordinary performance put up by H4-H9-H?? in what was arguably the best ever PAF - deja vu. I should get hold of the video soon.

As I said earlier, the year was marked with book reading sessions often followed by intense discussions on topics ranging from music to politics to religion to languages. This was the time when I migrated from popular fiction to popular non-fiction. I bought books on economics and philosophy and tried understanding a bit of math too.

Before I knew it was Valfi time. All these years I used to think that I'll cry on my Valfi, the profile reading, post valfi booze session etc. Don't think I was looking forward for anything with as much excitement as my Valfi day. However, I was anything but excited. Probably Dixi and I were the only normally dressed people for the occasion. Everyone wore traditional clothes (or suits) and got drunk (even Pritam). I, on the other hand, distinctly remember turning in rather early (like 3-ish in the morning). Somebody (guess who) came to my room but I wasn't paying heed to anyone that day. I was fairly disappointed by Pritam, Purushottam and Dixi for their failure to mention my name. :) Though Varun made up for it (whereas I forgot his). But soon the valfis were also over.

End of valfis meant time for exams. This was a most unusual period. I had to get back with Shweta, time was running out as I had a job in Gurgaon now. I forced myself into "giving it a shot" but it failed miserably. (The repercussions are still to be felt). After much fighting and praying I cleared all papers with ever diappointing grades; BTP suffering the same faith. (Which reminds me : I mailed my BTP guide a couple of days back. Aise hii).

Sem over. Time to get myself a new job, in Bombay. The job hunt proved terribly depressing once again with a long telephonic interview with Socgen HK office where too I hugged beautifully. Eventually I applied at BoA and settled with the job.

Remembring 2006 (Part 1)

Pritam chose not to review his 2006 but in the process he gave me something to write about. I hope this will provide the necessary momentum for me to continue writing.

2006 would perhaps qualify as the most dramatic year of my life. After a shit load of flirting at MI '05 the stage to test more women was well set. In 2005 I had resolved to be completely selfish, so to bring change in my life I decided to not be selfish. Now that I see the events in their chronological order I guess there were many instances where I completely forgot the new resolution. Like when I decided to get myself a girl-friend.

What started of as a casual fling was certainly most painful for somebody else. Besides, it was only a matter of few weeks before the to-be fling was fast transformed into something of sentimental values. I learn lessons the hard way - but it takes me only one beating to know to never let my guards down ever again.

Now this ain't a blog about her but of course I wouldn't want to remember SB as somebody I only wanted to 'do'. Unfortunately for me she turned out to be a way better person than I was hoping her to be - as a result February end marked the end. She did make my birthday most memorable by gifting me a most awesome t-shirt with Calvin & Hobbes painted on it by herself.

However I'd be lying if I say that this was the biggest thing going on in my life at that time. Though nobody dropped or rose in my ratings, I probably found the set of people I perfectly blended with. Varun Kanade, Purushottam Dixit (there was never a doubt on his status) and Karthik Shekhar. In our common pursuit to excel in our respective BTP projects (barring Karthik, still in his 3rd year) and become intellectuals we went a lot to CCDs (HN) and Baristas (Bandra) with voluminous books (academic and non-academic) always on sides like the pistols of Texan cowboys. The days went by in the most extra-ordinary manner - amazing lukha, long car rides, stimulating conversations and heated debates, senti and nostalgia.

PS: Job, Ghaza, PAF, Valfi, Job and more.

Tokyo

Well, fresh blog. Have oodles of time with me to tweak with the little thing. Should hopefully have lots of write too in due course of time.

Last day of a bloody 5 day long weekend. A couple of days of work tomorrow followed by another short weekend. Depressing part being that all I have been doing is hibernating on each of these days. Not so depressing actually - just a waste.